Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's never too late to be topless.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
