I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
