I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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