im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
