I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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