just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
