After last night, I could never be a politician.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
