VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
she smelled like a LAN party
I am midnight drunk by noon
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
