at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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