I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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