I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
