Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
