matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
