So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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