Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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