you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
