just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
