I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
