First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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