apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize