oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
soo... how was my night?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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