I think scott just propositioned me for sex
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i dont even know how to be here
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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