I faked an abortion last night.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
