She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
