Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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