call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
