It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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