If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
