Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I will be naked everywhere
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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