just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
