so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
