I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
