Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
