Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
