There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
