Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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