I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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