You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
