But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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