Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
