Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
