ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
