Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You pole danced in your parka.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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