1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
