look no pants
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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