Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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