Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
