In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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