Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
