I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Couch. On fire.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
