my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize