My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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