Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
