so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
