dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I need to sanitize my soul.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
