My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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