I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
