have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
