My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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