I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
