Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
