At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
