Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
