Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i would punch a child for taco bell
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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