Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
