Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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