What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just cropdusted the office
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
