my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
