My sheets look like a crime scene.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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