If i come over, it means nothing
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
