Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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