Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
